Sunday, February 17, 2008

Sunday Scribblings #98: Sleep (and/or Teeth)

A (Tooth) Fairy Tale

I don’t know if there’s one tooth fairy that covers the globe every night, or if it takes a whole battalion of them to make the rounds, but I have a hunch it’s the latter, because when I was a child, the tooth fairy never failed to deliver. I’d snuggle in to sleep at night, careful not to disturb the newly-displaced tooth under my pillow, and then wake in the morning to find a shiny new quarter had taken its place. It was there every time. It was magical.

But the tooth fairy assigned to my children is either dreadfully distracted or just plain slow. Or maybe there really is only one fairy and she’s become senile after all these years. Either way, she repeatedly forgets to visit in a timely manner, and more than once, I’ve had to cover her back. A disappointed child comes down for breakfast with news that the fairy was a no-show, and I have no choice but to go upstairs, rustle the covers, and “find” the missing dollar at the foot of the bed.

“It was there all along,” I say, “You just didn’t look hard enough!” And the gappy smile is restored.

Stupid tooth fairy.

Then there was the time I decided to save myself that scene and just sneak in and leave the dollar myself. If she happened to show up, the child would get a bonus, but either way, I’d be spared the morning charade to cover her fairy tail. Little did I know, the child had chosen that very night to fake sleep and, “see if the tooth fairy was really real.” So I was busted, and she refused to believe in the tooth fairy after that, no matter how hard I tried to convince her of the truth. I’d been burned once too often by our scatterbrained tooth fairy, and I was simply trying to get the jump on her this time around.

Stupid tooth fairy.

Our fourth and final child is losing teeth these days, and after all these years of practice with my family, one would think the fairy has it down by now… but no, it has actually gotten worse. I must be ever more vigilant to see that she doesn’t forget, or more creative in the way that I “find” that dollar the child has so carefully searched for and not found.

And I’m tired. Stupid, stupid tooth fairy.

Fortunately, the child is working on his pre-molars now, so it won’t be long before our fairy can retire. She can fly off to the fairy retirement community and weave baskets out of toothpicks, make clay toothbrush holders, or do whatever retired tooth fairies do.

And I can’t say that I’ll miss her.

© 2008 Heather Haapoja


myrtle beached whale said...

I was also a very bad tooth fairy and not a real great Easter Bunny. Very entertaining post.

tumblewords said...

Love this post - it's enough to wear a good mother out - ! Really fun!

Javacurls said...

Oh, I just loved your posting. It reminded me of a book my son brought home about fairies. There was a story in the book called "When I was a Tooth Fairy". In the story a new fairy is assigned to the "tooth fairy" position and well she isn't the best with directions and gets the apartment numbers mixed up. So... instead of giving the little boy who lost his tooth a few coins she instead gives the whole bag of coins to an old man with a cup full of dentures. Needless to say, the queen fairy isn't pleased and the position is quickly refilled by another fairy. It's a very cute story.

Thanks for the laugh! :)

gautami tripathy said...

I need a tooth fairy right now!


snooze time, baby!

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I remember catching my parents in the Tooth Fairy act...

The Tooth Fairy forgot to come by one night, and so in the morning, we told #1 that she must have forgotten and that she'd be by the next night. He bought it! And we were off the hook. Whew.

The Brave said...

That was great -loved it.
i can imagine myself doing the "see, here's that tooth fairy money, ya duffer"! It won't be long before we'll have to put an employment ad out for a tooth fairy. mister is five and a half but no sign of wobbly teeth yet.


What a great post. Funny, yet very human. Stupid tooth fairy. I love the images of tooth fairy retirement!

Heather Kathleen said...

my tooth fairy? i think she sits eating chocolate and reading crappy novels. that is why she forgets...way to go tooth fairy. YOUR FIRED!

shammi said...

haha... this was a very entertaining read! Loved it :)

Heather said...

LOL Thanks for all the wonderful comments and tooth fairy stories! I was short on time this weekend, but sure had a lot of fun with this one. The child is working on another loose tooth, too, so hopefully it serves as a good reminder for the stupid tooth fairy! ;o)